im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
