this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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