I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
