remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize