I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
