Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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