she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
