Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
there's paper in my vomit.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
