plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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