New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
They took my balls.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
