Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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