Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
