i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
