I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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