people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
