Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
