Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
