Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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