So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
