so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
