I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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