so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
