fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
