I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
