it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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