I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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