i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize