College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
