I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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