I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
