Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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