direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My life is pants optional.
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