Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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