we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
