You're my little dorito
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
