If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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