why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
