mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
This is classic penis vs brain.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
