She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
