Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
