we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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