there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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