Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
