His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
