As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
