I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
