Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize