That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
