she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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