Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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