Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
