if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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