If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
