That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
