dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
