u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
wow bdsm is so cute
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
