the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
