there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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