So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
