Only a mothe r could love this liver
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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