god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
