I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
