the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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