hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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