I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i used baking grease as lip gloss
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
