just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
