Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
