that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
