He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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