I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
