He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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