we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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