btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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