All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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