just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
