ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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