Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
