$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
