DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
