If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
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