i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
