I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
