3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
