I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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