Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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