if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
