Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
