This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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