Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
