I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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