The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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