Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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