I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
