I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
