it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
