I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
