im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
