just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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