I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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