party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Randomize
