so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
