Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
