woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
