worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
