You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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