you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
