How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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