Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
