At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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