I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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