i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
