so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
