he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
